Episode 248: Claiming Desires (Konrad)

Konrad rode the back of an ostrich. He might have chosen a different animal, save that Niels’s familiar was an ostrich. It felt prudent, to be familiar with the species and its body language.

  Nell greeted him in the barn doorway, one eyebrow aimed skyward. “Taking Tyr for a stroll?”

“If Tyr has an older, more terrifying cousin.” This bird stood as evidence that the reptiles of ancient times were ancestors of the birds. Konrad could well imagine fleeing one of these in the wild.

Nell laughed, at the imagery and the words. “Where are you off to?” he asked, though he knew.

“I thought we needed him, to boss Audrey around.” Though Konrad, through pixie magic, had recently learned that Niels’s familiar’s true name was Audacity. He hid it, for protection and from self-consciousness. “And this,” he shrugged his shoulder, revealing a fledgling falcon hidden in his hair, “is for Enny. We need to tell her I’ve retired.”

“Very well,” Nell said. Warm thoughts filled his mind. He rested his hand against the back of the enormous beast and pulled himself up behind Konrad.

Konrad twisted his neck and kissed Nell.

Home.

Their lives were on the cusp of drastic, positive change.

“How are you, about retiring?” Nell asked.

  “Content.” Happy. “Corban was surprised, but he’s equipped. Better, now. I…had an inkling the other day that Talise may ascend soon.”

  “You think so?” Nell sensed the intuition, the turning of the tide. “And what of Spence?”

Yes, Spence.
Corban was a remarkable soldier, smart and talented beyond anything Konrad could have dreamed. Spence was family, and had talents of his own.

Konrad led Nell down the mental path Konrad had taken, to the conclusion Konrad believed Corban would draw: “He’ll take Spence as a partner. Spence would never consider that, if I gave him the position.”

  “Which gives an edge to Corban,” Nell realized aloud. Konrad laughed, at Nell’s protectiveness of Ach and Spence, the undercurrents of which ran through his mind even as he recognized Corban’s strengths.

Nell nudged his mind, amused. “You have no job, for the first time in many years.”

Countless years.

Konrad fought back the old fear, of living a purposeless existence. Jobless was not the same as listless.

  “Retired means more free time,” Konrad said. He leaned back, settled against Nell’s form. “If you’re willing I would still like to work with Talise, the both of us. She needs more.”

  “In what way?”

  Konrad imagined the ways they could train her, challenge her understanding of her capabilities. “So that she never doubts her strengths. She already accepts help, so that would not need to be taught. More confidence with swords, exhaustion, pain, distractions, relentless demands, whatever we can throw at her now to prepare her.”

“How soon?” Nell asked, curious about ascension.

“I don’t know. It was after Aadya removed the luck magic. Instinct more than fact, about Aadya. Something is off, and I can’t sort what.”

  Only to Nell, and perhaps now Enny, could he admit such failure.

Nell leaned into him. “I can help prepare her,” he promised. “And Niels.”

  “I want her exhausted, and then thrown into mock negotiations. Niels, we can train later. Someone will need to give attention to the children.” Perhaps two weeks for Talise, and then two for Niels. At the end of their sessions, Konrad hoped, they would be new people. Themselves, but wiser about their own skills.

  “Sounds appropriate,” Nell agreed. He patted the ostrich, redirecting attention. “Is this a male or a female?”

Konrad had no notion of its gender, and little interest in whatever might be necessary to find out. “I named it Leslie so we would not need to know.”

  Nell was right: Morning would not be endless. Retired or not, Konrad still had works in play, projects to attend to. He transported the four of them to the pixie home in Keshmar, in the meadow which stood before Rylena’s home tree.

“How long have you hidden your feelings for her?” Nell asked.

 “From you?” Konrad laughed. “No longer than I hid them from myself. When Telek came, and I disliked him without provocation, it wasn’t difficult to sort why. How long for you?”

“Of admitting it?” Nell said. His tone echoed Konrad’s own amusement at what fools they’d both been. “Only a few days. When I died the other week, I went to her.”

  And he’d puzzled endlessly over her response, picking at it like a wound. “I gathered, from your dreams. She rejected you?”

  “She did,” Nell said, lost. His mind grazed the possibility that Enny had only said yes to him this time, because Konrad was there.

He turned to hug Nell. “She has always wanted you.” Enough so that it made Konrad insecure. “She wanted your happiness first, but you have always belonged in her heart and mind.”

  “As she has to mine,” Nell said. For the first time, Konrad felt the affection between Nell and Enny, without restraint on Nell’s part, without insecurity on Konrad’s. There was only love.

  Rylena flew down from the tree, landing before them. “Good morning,” she greeted.

Konrad sent the falcon to her. It carried a necklace with amber stones, which Konrad hoped would suit Enny’s coloring. “A gift and an announcement,” Konrad declared.

  She smiled at the necklace in her hands. “An announcement?” She leaned into the falcon’s head as it pressed itself against the underside of her jaw.

“I have retired in the Dells,” Konrad announced. “I’ll stay on to teach Talise, but I’ll have more time.” Quickly, before Nell could realize his intent, he added, “Nell is worried you don’t want him.”

  Nell’s annoyance replaced itself with a fretful relief, to have everything out in the open. The pair of them dismounted and stood beside the ostrich.

Enny laughed and stepped closer to them. “Are you ready to be king here, then?” she asked.

Konrad forgot to think, for a minute or longer. “King?” he stammered. What did that have to do with Enny loving Nell?

“It is your right,” Nell said. “We don’t take the trial here.”

  No.

  “Perhaps. What sort of things would you need?”

  Enny flew closer, landing beside Nell, and kissed him. “I love you, Nell.” She kissed Konrad the next second. He could taste an alluring mix of both Nell and herself on her lips. “And I love you, Konrad. Both.” She held the necklace toward Konrad and lifted her hair so that he could clip the necklace in place. “And all you would be required to do is know that we value you. No duties or obligations. You’ve seen how Nell works.”

Yes, and he’d seen how Enny suffered for it.

They would be more present.

“I think we could dedicate time here, together,” Konrad said.

  “I would love to have you.” She kissed them each again. Her fingertips lingered on their arms. “We will be at the festival again today. And,” she held the falcon up. “The bird is almost as wonderful a surprise as the two of you. And I’m happy you have retired.”

  “Do you need anything this morning?” Konrad asked.

“Will you stay for breakfast? Or have us there?”

“Can you come?” Nell asked. “Aadya gave birth last night.”

Enny tensed. “Congratulations,” she said, a sentiment she struggled to feel.

Konrad rested his hand on the small of her back. Yes, they had children with Aadya, but… “We married you.”

“I know.” She leaned into his hand.

  “I was hoping to have the kids spend time with Jarl, Callum, and Robert,” Nell explained.

  At that moment, Nell and Enny’s son Eiron ran out from the base of the tree and tumbled towards Nell. “Daddy?”

Nell swung him up into the air and caught him in a hug. “Good morning, Eiron. How did you sleep?”

  “I dreamed I was a big bear and the birds were scared of me.”

  So much, Konrad wanted to merge their families, let the children find homes in the security of one another’s presences. And yet… “We shouldn’t have too much of a presence here until everything is taken care of,” he warned.

He misliked the risk she had put herself in, with Aliks Lennar.

  “Yes,” she agreed. “I almost forgot. I have the dinner with him in two days.”

  It seemed she misliked the idea of it as well.

“Maybe the kids can stay that night with us, then?” Nell asked.

“A night?” Enny’s mind expanded around the idea, in search of the cause of her angst.

  “If you can bear it,” Nell teased. He ruffled Eiron’s hair. “Do you want to sleep with dragons?

  “Yes!” Eiron roared. “They’re not scared of bears!”

“I’ll get Einin and meet you there?” Enny offered.

“Alright.” Konrad climbed onto Leslie’s back and held his hands out for Nell to pass Eiron up. The boy weighed next to nothing and settled easily against the ostrich’s shoulders as Nell returned to his place behind Konrad.

“Tell Einin,” Nell teased, “that the next time she sleeps in she may miss something else.”

They transported away, to the doorway of the barn at the Dells palace. How are you? Konrad asked.

Adjusting, Nell conceded, to openness around her. How are you?

  Adjusting too. Konrad rested his hand on Eiron’s head. It was right, to have Nell’s son here. We have a good family.

  “Time for bed?” Eiron asked, hopeful.

Nell’s laughter carried through the barn. “Time for breakfast. You can sleep another time.”

  “What about the dragons?” Eiron complained.

Only Nell’s son would prefer sleep to play, if it involved dangerous beasts in some way. “There may be baby dragons at breakfast,” Konrad offered.

“Four, potentially.”

Enthusiasm consumed Eiron’s mind.

“Maybe you can listen for the names?” Nell said. “They haven’t told us yet.”

Jumping and spinning, Eiron agreed. “Why didn’t you name me Bear-on?” he asked.

  “Because,” Nell’s expression was all subdued laughter. “We weren’t sure if you’d like black or grizzly bears better. Grizzlon was an option.”

  “Can you call me that?” Eiron asked.

“Grizzlon? Or Bear-on?”

“Bear-on. Because black bears don’t have to eat as much so they have more time to play.”

  “If you want, for a day,” Nell agreed.

Konrad leaned into him, his mind lost in the idea of telling Enny that they’d changed his name to Bear-on, did she mind very much.

  Eiron clapped his hands once and ran off, exuberant.

“I have no idea where he gets it,” Konrad teased Nell, watching the boy’s back as he skipped across the palace grounds.

Nell kissed him, home. “Thank you. For everything you do.” There was more weight behind his comment than the mere words; something indiscernible had gone unspoken.

Konrad pressed his forehead to Nell’s imploring him to be open. “You, the same. And your surprise wedding.”

“She deserves more surprises too,” Nell shared, more open. “She loved this.”

She’d seemed to, yes. Konrad rested his palm on Nell’s shoulder. “You’re really alright?”

  “I am. Tired a bit.” Nell sighed against Konrad and confessed, “Tired of not knowing how to act around her.”

  Konrad could see the struggle. He pulled Nell against him. “All she wants is you, same as what I want.”

Nell’s eyes followed some imaginary trail which Eiron had left in his wake. Konrad thought Nell might be crying, but couldn’t see his face to be certain. “I’ve never had them overnight,” he observed, about his children.

It was a change, growing their family. Bringing them home.

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