Episode 195: Cautious Feelings (Rylena)

In the high sun of the afternoon, the Dragon Palace lake glistened with the splashes of smiling faces. Rylena watched as her two youngest enjoyed the pool alongside their brothers Auberon and Lonan. They were, by far, the most playful and most invested in their younger siblings, though Tala rivaled them. The difference was that Tala had her own family, and neither Auberon nor Lonan had anything more than a few interests here and there. Auberon was well into his five hundreds and Lonan his four hundreds. She hoped to see them settle within the next two millennia. Tala hadn’t settled until her mid five hundreds and Feidhelm had only just settled, despite being nearly seven hundred.

She had hoped she would have found herself settled with Telek, enjoying the summer day and the celebrations in the freedom of the Dells. Instead, an undine of some percentage had bonded to him. Aadya, the queen, had formed a reciprocal bond. Their relationship had been brief, but full of possibility. It had also been shrouded in pre established commitments she had made.  

She still had the Aliks issue to work through.

Once she was satisfied that Auberon, and Lonan had Einin and Eiron, she stood and walked toward the main palace and the sun as it crossed from the height of the sky toward the western horizon. Along the side of the stone and vine covered building, there were steps that led toward one of the many entrances to the labyrinth Konrad and constructed beneath the main palace level. She was let into the dungeon levels without incident and wove her way to the Konrad’s office.

His office was beside a long room full of monitors and weapons. Next to the larger room, his office seemed small. It was simple too, with a large desk for him to sit behind and a small file cabinet set against the wall behind that. Then, there were two chairs across the desk. She went to his chair and waited for him to arrive, which she expected to be soon.

While she waited, she took the opportunity to sharpen one of the small blades she carried in the lacings around her waist. She used a sharpening stone Konrad had decorated his desk with.

It was not more than five minutes before Kornad was in the room. She could hear his mind, the subtleties of a thousand thoughts weaving effortlessly and one puzzling thought knotting up the edges of his mind.

The thoughts ended like whisps as he closed the door behind him, his eyes focused on her. “Rylena.”

She set the stone down and placed the dagger across the top of it. Once she had freed her hands, she stood and smiled. In a different reality, Nell would have requested she open herself to Konrad as she had with Drey. She had expected it, and opened herself regardless. Seeing Konrad today was more about closure than about anything else, though she respected his mind and the way he solved puzzles.

“Can I help you with something?” he asked as he moved to sit in his own chair. She moved sat in one of the guest chairs, though she suspected if she had not stood in the first place he would have taken on of those instead.

“I wanted your advice on my plans with Aliks.”

“Alright.” He carried with him a plate of various fruits and vegetables. He placed it between them and gestured toward the plate. She felt the offer in his mind, reaching out to her.

Konrad took a bottle of some deep amber liquor and poured it into a smaller cup. After he took a sip, she could see a few droplets on his mustache. He poured a second cup for her and offered it.

The flavor was full of smoke and caramel, with wooded undercurrents.

He leaned back. “Aside from the precarious situation itself, has anything else changed?”

Her stance with Telek had changed, Aliks had become more wary of her change of heart. She’d agreed to a public date. None of the things that had transpired fit the requirements of his intent with the question.

“Not in a way that impacts my ability to carry it out,” she replied.

“What, then?”

“If you’ve read my mind do I need to tell you?” she teased. “I’m no longer seeing Telek and my marriage has ended.”

Losing Nell had been its own particular kind of agony. Seeing him after his death, seeing him want her for the first time – despite the conception of Einin and Eiron – had been its own agony. Truth be told, it was for the best that Telek had moved on. She wasn’t ready, her heart still ached for Nell. It ached for Konrad and what could have been. It ached, if she thought about it, for Drey, too.

She’d never asked for much in return from Nell, because she’d always only just wanted him. Drey had been a difficult adjustment, but once she’d opened herself to him she’d found his companionship enjoyable. She’d found him enjoyable. She’d also learned to live with Nell, and to value the joy a man brought him.

She hoped Konrad wasn’t reading her mind at that moment.

“My marriage has ended as well,” he stated simply.

“Would you like to pursue Aliks, instead?” she joked, in light of having no other ideas as to how to reply. It was unclear what he meant, what he felt. She left his mind alone.

“It ended and we chose to renew it,” Konrad pressed.

He sipped his drink like he hadn’t just dangled something tempting in front of her. She took a fig and let the flavors buy her time to respond.

Nell had come to her on all but his knees, he’d spent the entire night with his twins in their shared room. If he felt that way still, if he wanted her still…

She leaned back in her chair and swallowed the last of the fruit. “Is that something that interests you?”

She saw the flash of emotion before he was able to hide it beneath a layer of haze created by the drink he consumed. “You and Nell were never the best at admitting emotions.”

“Perhaps.” She wanted to know how he felt, not how Nell felt. She knew how Nell felt. “He did raise me.”

It had been one of Nell’s top arguments against intimacy with her: He had been married to as an infant and he had been forced to raise her while their family perished from disease and he was attracted to men.

She had always known she was his wife; she had never addressed him as her father. She’d never seen him as a father, possibly because they had shared a mind and he had layered my wife into his every thought about her. Sometimes it had been in humor, sometimes it had been in disdain, and sometimes it had just been with no reason that she had ever derived.

Still, she was more concerned about Konrad’s feelings.

She took a drink from her cup, and in one sip it was empty.

“Enny,” Konrad said, using Nell’s name for her for the first time. She hardened herself to it, because she wanted him to say it. She needed the words.

“He misses you,” Konrad offered instead.

“I had long thought we would be together,” she admitted.

“As did I.” Konrad’s body sighed as he drank another sip from his glass. “Telek… was unexpected, but you’re welcome to have your own pursuits if that is what you like.”

“Why do I interest you?” she asked.

She could hear the same thoughts she had worked, about Drey and the potential for repetition with Konrad, through unravel themselves from his answer.

“Why shouldn’t you,” he stated. “You’re one of the strongest, most single-minded women I know, and you’re self aware.”

“Can you show me this would work?” she asked. Drey had only offered intimacy on an annual basis, and she wasn’t interested in entering a marriage where she might be neglected.

She felt Konrad grace her mind with his own question, about how she felt. She could feel nerves she wasn’t aware he was capable of having. She relaxed and let him in. She let him see her nerves, her apprehension, her desire for sexual attention.

Konrad set his cup down on the table when he was done. “When he first mentioned you to me, I didn’t see that it could be possible to have something between us. I believed your coldness was genuine.” He sighed. “But you said show.”

She felt a current of nerves forcibly request she recind the request. Instead, she focused on the sigh and his mind as he did it. He’d spent much of the afternoon busy, it sounded like.

She needed him to show her, though. She needed to know this would be more than she’d ever had before. She rounded the table, a small grin playing on her lips as her fingers trailed across the rounded wood edge. “I did.”

Her stomach fluttered with the force of hundreds of butterflies.

Konrad’s hands slid under his desk, and after he pressed a button she heard the door to his office lock shut. Then he stood.

She waited, their bodies inches from one another. Blood rushed through her ears, her pulse pounding furiously.

She didn’t do nervous often, but standing here she couldn’t help it. Her first time with Drey had been met with a different wave of emotion. This, Konrad, was desire and hope and lust all mixed together.

His lips had consumed her own before she could move first. His hands slid beneath her jaw and toward the top of her neck as they pulled her into a kiss. He slid them down her body. She felt fire raging beneath his hands, her own angst had turned into an inferno.

Her wings fluttered in the air, stirring papers. She pulled her lips away, their bodies still flush against one another.

“Is this what you want?” she asked. He moaned, deep from inside himself, and exhaled as his body relaxed into hers. She kissed down his jaw, following the ridge then peeling away to find his neck. It was, to her surprise, the most satisfying kiss she’d ever experienced.

As she did, he tore away and kissed her neck, pulling her hips against the pressure of him. As his hands unlaced her shirt, she unlaced his.

As soon as she could, she slipped her hands beneath the loosened edges and pulled the top away from him, her hands exploring his defined body as she did. She kissed down him, so she could undo his pants, then back up his body to his lips.

She hesitated.

This wasn’t what she had come to his office for. Every second they moved forward they were changing their relationship, in a way she knew she could never look back from. She took a breath before he kissed her, hungry for me.

He didn’t just kiss her lips, or her neck, but her chest and her stomach as he found his way down to her hips.

It was a surprise: his passion, his attentiveness. Him.

He kissed her one last time. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you.”

She watched his twin eyes, dazzling fire opals of satiated need. Need she was certain neither of them knew they had.

Over fifteen years had passed, fifteen years of wondering when she would feel his touch and who he was, and now she was here crazing more. Craving not just his touch, but Nell’s too. She longed for it.

“And Nell?” she asked. Then, despite not giving him the time to answer, she kissed him.

He kissed her back, and as their lips held them together, he parted their bodies and sat in his chair, holding her across his lap.

“Nell struggles with the depth of his emotions. This week has been…” Konrad ran his hands down her body, satisfaction rolling off him in waves. She kneaded her hands against his shoulders, reveling in the contacts of his skin against hers.

“He prefers to be married.” It was a statement for itself, not for the moment they held one another together, not for the hope of a future she carried and she suspected he carried.

“And Aliks?” She teased, the real reason she had come today.

Konrad’s face beamed and his chest rumbled. “I forgot, you came to me for advice.”

She laughed louder and stretched her fingers flat against him. “I did. I liked the distraction.”

She kissed him and ran her fingers up his jaw, then released him to speak, her hand resting against the height of his thigh instead.

“He cannot be killed without spurring his allies to action,” Konrad said, his attention refocused. “He must be mitigated, or forced to show his hand.”

“My intent was to lead him toward showing his intentions,” she explained.

Where she could imagine her life with Telek, endless dates along the shores of wooded lakes, she could see her future with Konrad, held in his arms after their bodies were spent, discussing work and life and whatever crossed their minds.

Nell, though, was another issue. He’d come to her, she’d rejected him. She had to mend the bridge between them for this to work; her intent would never be to take Konrad for herself.

Reading her mind, he massaged her thigh and hip. “We have a spy of Ionia’s at the palace. Perhaps we could arrange a meeting between Ionia and Aliks.”

“That would be useful,” she replied. She nuzzled against him then pulled back, unsure, and he responded by pulling her into a kiss.

Once she had pulled away, she dove into explaining her plan. She told Konrad about the courtship, and she asked her about her plans on how to end things, when to end things. She answered the best she could.

Then, he told her about a woman in the ranks of Girik’s army, one that Alik’s was using for most of his support. The picture began to paint itself: women wanted change, Aliks was using their movement to propel himself forward.

The odd thing was, Girik was not against women at all.

“If she doesn’t believe in Girik’s vision,” she guessed aloud, “and has refused to use traditional measures for change, then she should be replaced.”

“We have a number of powerful women in our military here, but they have earned her place. She believes there should be two armies, to reduce competition for women. We’re expecting an attack; perhaps Girik could send her as part of a team to help protect us.”

It took her a moment to dissect the two distinct statements that had flowed from Konrad’s mind as one. The first, that he was suggesting someone from the Dells to assume a high rank within Girik’s army. Rylena would never undermine those who lived in the country itself in that way. They had fought for the right within the country they fought for.

She brushed that aside and moved to the second part. Konrad had suggested they use an attack on the Dells as an opportunity for a womans group to fight, and for the female guard to die.

“Would Girik be blamed?” she asked.

“Not if she is coaxed to be vocal. He poses the mission to the military, asks which leaders would like the opportunity, she and one other volunteer. It can be made to seem natural.”

“Alright. And Aliks? What do you want him for?”

Konrad thought for a moment, his mind distant from her.

“Remarry Nell, or marry me,” he proposed.

It took her a moment to recover from his statement, but she caught the rest of this thought. “He intends to kill you, but he would find that difficult. It would show him to be darker than he seems.”

Romance, it seemed, was not something she would be able to expect.

“Or both of you,” she replied, accepting the proposal.

If Nell would have her, she would be his wife again.

A small smile spread beneath Konrad’s resolve. “Alright.”

For a moment, she caught him in a kiss. When she pulled away, his body had settled, his arms around her. She felt at home, nestled onto his lap.

He brushed her hair back, behind her ear. “You’ll have to marry him as well, but when he fails and fails to kill you, he’ll try something he can’t deny. No one would dare to be his ally at that point. In the meantime, Girik can work on turning those who support him.”

“Thank you for your advice.” She pulled away from his lap, aware of a lurking visitor: Nell. She knew his mind anywhere, even if they no longer shared the connection marriage brought. Soon, she would feel his mind brushing against hers again.

“Would you like to marry now?” Rylena asked.

His lips brushed along her jaw. “I would prefer to include Nell.”

“And if he were near?”

“If he were near, I would know. Unless he’s concealed himself.”

After the way he had revealed himself to her, the way she had rejected him, she suspected he worked hard to conceal himself.

She watched as Konrad’s face focus on his mind. It was subtle, more subtle than most new marriages. She waited patiently, to see if she was somehow mistaken.

“We can wait, if you prefer,” she suggested. She hoped Nell would hear the offer and make some sort of decision for himself. She needed him to.

Konrad kissed her and lifted her to the table. She sat, amused.

“As it happens,” he pulled her between his legs and ran his hands down her back, a glint in his opalescent eyes. “I’m free for a moment.”

She ran her hands down his arms and watched her fingers meld into his while his mind drifted to Nell and a conversation she wished she was part of. She didn’t prod his mind, she wanted whatever transpired to be between them. What she was asking wasn’t something most people would agree to.

Konrad’s body bounced with the humm of a small laugh, hidden within himself. His hand slid between her legs, beneath his desk, and pressed a button that released the door. Nell walked in.

He looked confident, his amber wings moving lazily with the current of his body movements. She watched him lean against the doorframe, arms folded, smile spread across his face and eyebrows raised.

He looked nervous, in the way only he could portray. His freckled skin looked sun kissed, like he had spent as much time outside as possible. She knew his twins, with Aadya, were due to arrive soon. She gleaned from his mind that soon was soon. She smiled, her body vibrating with nerves.

“You called?” Nell asked.

Rylena stood, her body sliding down Konrad’s. She walked to him, baring her body to him. He looked at her, and she felt a new hunger. She swallowed, her smile broadening. “We’ve come to the conclusion that our marriage should not have ended, and we would like to remedy that.”

Nell stood and walked to her. The door swung shut behind him. “Duty calls, I suppose.”

“Yes, it’s terrible,” Konrad teased.

Nell extended his hand, palm up, to Rylena. She set her hand in his and he pulled her against his body. “I would be happy to marry you, Enny.” He kissed her, a tingling of warmth and the brush of affection filling the brief moment they were joined.

Nell looked past her, to Konrad. “And to include you. I didn’t realize you wanted this.”

“I’m not wholly sure I did until Telek arrived. Or, more so, I wouldn’t admit it.”

His body spoke more than any words needed to, but she asked Nell, “Will this be a real marriage, this time?”

“Yes.” His right hand ran along her left wing. She followed them with her eye. Distracted, he used the chance to kiss her.

She smiled again, happy beyond words.

“Are you ready,” Nell asked Konrad, aloud for her benefit. Soon, they would be of one mind. She looked at Konrad, thrilled and anxious to feel his mind.

“How does it work, with three?” Konrad asked.

“The same,” Nell said, glancing at Rylena for confirmation. “We marry each other.”

“The protection will transfer?” Konrad asked.

“I assume. Pixies aren’t as tied to rules as others.”

Rylena used the back of her hand to cover her lips, from the small laugh. Rules were something Nell had discovered were part of his role as king. He made all kinds of rules up, as he saw fit.

Nell pulled out a clay goblet, encrusted with a few small stones, and held it out. Konrad took the second sip, and Rylena took the third. They made a circle and performed the pixie ceremony, hands running down each other’s sides, their three foreheads pressed together. They kissed on another.

“He will kill you after the wedding, or attempt to,” Konrad stated. His first words into their marriage. She let her hand meld with his on one side and Nell’s on the other. They were not just married, they were a team.

“I’ll be prepared,” she replied.

She felt Nell’s mind, cautious, hopeful, and interested in her – them, “Do the two of you have some time.”

“I’m free until Spence needs me.”

Nell waited, and so she did too. She could feel Konrad’s mind stretching toward the idea of them, the three of them.

His voice deepened, “I still do, yes.”

“Would you like to go down the hall?” Nell asked.

“Yes,” Rylena replied for Konrad too.

“Alright.” Konrad’s hand slid down her back, her skin bristling at his touch.

“Do you prefer tea or something to ensure pregnancy? None of us wants an Aliks child if it can be avoided.”

“Something to ensure pregnancy.” She didn’t want an Aliks child either. It was soon, she would have preferred Einin and Eiron see their first hundredth birth year first, but it was worth the protection against the possibility that Aliks used a spell on her.

“Alright.” Konrad walked back to a cabinet, his firm body moving with purpose and grace. He pulled a small jar out of the cabinet filled with bright pink and yellow liquid, mixed like ribbons of a galaxy. It sloshing as he moved. He held the jar out to her.

“Will you cut yourself at some point before you go home?” he asked.

“Prepared?” Nell’s eyes locked onto the jar. She loved the upturns of his mouth, the way his eyes tightened. The cutting herself comment was buried in his distraction to all but him.

She took out a knife from her belt, now tossed onto the desk. She unsheathed the blade and slid it across the top of her arm, just enough to draw blood. Konrad watched as the skin pulled together and healed. Nell’s brain mused, loudly, about a fly in the corner of the room struggling to free itself from a spider’s web.

Little baby fly, you don’t have all day

Little baby fly, I hope you get away

A big hairy spider is on its way

Little baby fly has no more words to say

She tried not to laugh at his compassion; the protection of the spider a reflection of how he felt about her cutting her arm.

Her skin fused. It wasn’t the full magic yet, they would have to be intimate with one another before it would activate, but it was most of the magic. It was enough to know their marriage was real beyond the links between their minds.

Konrad’s hand massaged Nell’s back. “I needed it for another purpose not long ago.”

Rylena lifted the liquid, Nell’s attention now focused on her. His eyes darted to the pink healed skin on her arm.

“When this is over, with Faily ascended, would you consider joining us?” Konrad asked.

She felt Nell’s mind, focused and imagining a home with Konrad and her in it.

“Perhaps,” she teased. The answer was, and would always be, yes. If not for herself and the hope that she would have the marriage she had always hoped for, for Nell and the insecurity that rippled off him like rings from dew drops in a lake.

Konrad nodded, content with her response. Nell held his tongue longing for a more clear answer, though she suspected her mind spoke for itself. She took her clothes and they walked down the hall to Konrad and Nell’s apartment. It was close, and once inside she let her mind stretch alongside theirs for any sign of others within the room.

Nell pulled them toward their bedroom, and pulled Enny into a kiss. His lips left hers, wanting more, to kiss Konrad. Konrad’s hand reached for her body, still undressed. She tossed her clothes aside and moved against him.

She felt her breath catch in her chest as Nell’s hand ran along her body, grazing the peaks of her chest.

She had twins with Nell, and so she turned to Konrad. “They should be yours.” She pushed him back toward the bed, her hand trailing Nell along with them. They were hers, and she was there, and somehow it was exactly what her life had been missing.

<- Episode 194 | Episode 196 ->