Episode 152: Just a Kiss (Danija)

It started with a kiss, which was pretty spectacular considering up until that moment Danija thought she was shy.

It came over her the second she saw him, standing by one of the tables and watching the youngest kids and their little dragons playing a game of tag. The bond washed over her and she had to have him.

He had caramel blonde hair, not too short but not past his ear either, just there. She could imagine running her fingers through it, pressed against his chest, straddling him.

Her imagination was too enticing, and her feet found themselves moving toward him and her arms found themselves wrapping around his neck and her lips found themselves pressing against his, all against the backdrop of fruit trees and white painted wood covered in vines.

His scent was ferrel: wood, straw, dirt, and something almost minty layered over the sweet smell of fire rippling beneath his skin, and now her own thanks to the bond.

His lips were soft against hers; they did not press back, so she pulled away. He didn’t stop her, so she didn’t run either.

She looked at him instead, at his pale blue green eyes and the way his eyes took her in.

“I’ve never felt this way before,” she admitted. The bond was an intense and encompassing feeling, like she had been missing him forever. “I know that may have been…” she tried to find words, because to her there would never be regret. “But I bonded. I can’t imagine ever meeting someone I could love more. This feels limitless to me.”

If he didn’t want her, which happened on land, then she would have to break it. Would another bond ever feel as good? Would her feelings for him linger forever?

She took a step back. “Wow. I’m sorry? Maybe?”

I’m sorry felt like the thing she was supposed to say. Running felt like the thing she was supposed to do, so she didn’t give it much credit.

He stood and stared at her, and she held her breath while he sorted himself out.

His face melted from pure shock to something a bit more calm. “Hi.”

Hello, to forever, I am going to just not be shy with him.

“Hi. I’m Danija,” she replied. “That was a surprise, for me too.”

She had kissed him, so there wasn’t much left to be shy about. She could just be there, and sort out what kind of person he was and why she had bonded to him and why she liked the way his lips made her want him so much more, in a sort of wiggly line that was somewhere between shock, amused, and (hopefully not) horrified.

“I didn’t know there were other undines around here,” he stated.

“My sister just got married here,” she explained. “I live in the Upper Dell, on the coast. I’m half, and half…” she made a small breeze that lifted his hair the inch or so it could lift and made him smile a little bit.

Whoever he was, up until her life collided with his he had a life. She knew undines were unique in the way they married. She needed to calm down, climb a tree, get back in her hole of a room (or maybe her fancy guest room here) and read a book about something else. Her mind just wanted his lips and the feel of his body against hers.

“No pressure,” she said. A little joking about the air magic. “But this is the biggest thing to ever happen to me.”

It was, hands down, huge.

She took his hand, but she refused to spin or something even though she felt like her soul was on fire. For a water fairy, that may have been alarming, but she had fire now. He was fire.

She was swooning. Maybe he didn’t even like her, or worse he was with someone already. She settled herself, and met his skeptical eyes. “I wish you could feel this,” she stated. “And I have no idea why it happened yet.”

If he would let her, she would discover everything about him and what it was that made her want him so much.

“I’m Telek,” he replied.

Telek. The name sounded intelligent and edgy. She wondered if he was intelligent or edgy, or just confused by her entire swarm of emotions. She was at minimum confused.

“Are you busy?” she asked.

“I can take a walk. Or something.”

“I like walks,” she replied. She took his arm and began walking through the trees that filled the palace grounds. The palace was a magical place, and it seemed perfect that it would be here that she met someone and bonded.

If he was from somewhere else, she could never go home. She didn’t want to go back to her musty bedding stuffed in the cellar of someone else’s house. She didn’t want to go back to her job of cleaning old jars so they could be used again.

“How old are you?” he asked.

“Twenty-eight,” she replied. Young enough to be useful for anything but old enough to not be wanted for any of it. “How old are you?” she asked.

“And you’ve never bonded?” he asked. “I’ve heard stories about bonding really young.”

She got it, she was strange. She had seen plenty of fairies, but no one had done it for her. She had long assumed she would have to get to know someone for them to  click, but he did. She was dying to know why.

“Yeah, we can once we’re 14,” she stated, then she looked at him and hoped he was looking where they were going, because he had perfect grey blue eyes and his face was held in a permanent okay expression that seemed like he was someone who was content often.

Even if they had shy-not-shy girls kiss them at a festival without any warning.

“They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but you weren’t. You’re on land. I want to know what it is about you, that I’ve never met before. Why you’re special.”

Hadn’t she said that? Or had she just thought that. She wasn’t sure between the mushy feelings and the thousand thoughts. This wasn’t like her at all. She needed to relax, she was a relaxed person. Calm, quiet.

This version of herself was buzzing and passionate and somewhat indecent, in thought at least.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I’m just a guy from Keshmar. I have no idea how old I am, I stopped counting.”

She wondered when she would stop counting. It seemed like a thing to do eventually. Maybe. Maybe he didn’t like his birthdays or he didn’t have a family. She didn’t have a family, well she did, they were everywhere at the festival, but she didn’t have a close family that wanted to celebrate birthdays with her. She just had people who called themselves family when they showed up.

It was a good thing she saw them for a wedding, on the street she would have walked right past them.

And she’d been silent.

“Well, hi,” she said. “So you’re visiting?”

“Yes. I’m complicated.”

What did complicated mean?

While she wondered, he grabbed the queen by her arm and pulled her along their walk.

“Help,” he pleaded.

This was not good. She had screwed up bonding to someone. She needed to back off. She let go of his arm and she began planning her escape. She could hide nowhere, so the next best bet was to go around a building or through one and then head back to her room and stay there for as long as she could manage to hide.

It was free, at least. But, when the festival ended she would have to go home because she didn’t have dellers or food here.

“Ah,” the queen said. “Hi. I saw you at the wedding. How are you enjoying your stay?”

“Hi,” Danija replied. She felt calm wash over her. “I am.”

“Did you see Nell and Konrad yet, Telek?” the queen asked.

“Not yet, I was just talking to Dani…ja. And.”

A little bit of fire stirred when he called her Dani, but maybe she was wrong. He’d pulled the queen aside. She needed to think this through. She could get the bond broken by the sea king, and whatever his complicated was he wouldn’t have to worry about her. She didn’t love him yet, so it wasn’t about being selfless, but she wanted to not die. She could break a  bond to not die.

“And,” the queen replied. “You needed me to distract Nell?”

Telek’s hand slipped into hers. It sent a shiver of fire down her spine.

“Thank you,” Telek said.

“It was nice to meet you, Danija. I hope you enjoy your time here.”

“It was nice to meet you too,” she replied. “Thank you for hosting us.”

“It’s our pleasure,” she replied in her soft voice. Then the queen left, like a poised arrow hitting whatever target it had been there to hit and then retreating once done. Danija wasn’t sure what she had accomplished, except she was calm now and her hand was warm.

“She’s nice,” Danija commented. Danija watched her walk off as three small children ran up toward her. One tugged on her long green dress. She wished she had family, that despite whatever they had going on, could be there for her.

“She’s the queen,” Telek stated.

“I know. You know her personally… are you related to the family?”

It was possible, but she had never heard of a Telek before. The way he was with the queen though, he must know them in some way.

“She’s my aunt. I’m a prince of Keshmar.”

A prince meant not the prince. She was almost positive she wouldn’t make a good queen, so it was a good thing he was just a prince.

Her mind was running again. But his hand felt so nice in hers. She could feel how his skin varied against hers, how his hands were bigger and held hers within them, how his fire filled him with heat. And he was here, with her, just walking and had casually grabbed the queen by the arm. Everything about him was new to her.

“How does it feel to be a prince?” Danija asked.

“How does it feel to be a princess?” he replied, then she felt the heat pull out of his hand and fill with cool. It returned after a moment, and was distracting from the comment. She retraced her mind. He’d called her a princess, like they were married.

She laughed. “So I didn’t terrify you,” she said, sort of wondering and a lot hoping.  “That’s promising.”

“The queen can give bonds,” he said, his voice waves of sound and unsteady on whatever footing it was looking for.

Can give bonds…

“To anyone? Like you?”

Maybe in her thinking she had missed that. In a kingdom what was about women having more power, she had been told too many times to keep quiet and think less. It must have been a her issue.

“To anyone,” he replied. He squeezed her hand and her body moved closer to his, so they were walking almost against each other.

“Did you? I mean you didn’t ask… but.” he had some sort of unspoken conversation with the queen. She was so nervous. She felt like she was sweating and about to cry and very close to running away, except he was holding her there like the bond; physical and emotional, tied to him.

He made her feel whole, where she had often felt broken.

“I asked, enough,” he replied. “She got the message.” He kissed her, his hot lips moved against hers and she could taste him. Her heart fluttered with the power of a thousand horses, driven forward to meet him and what he was offering.

He pulled away too soon.

“It’s intense,” he said.

“Really intense,” she agreed. “Like the world went from everything to you.”

They stood facing one another, their eyes exploring each other, resisting more touch. She liked the feeling of desire building between them, the way she felt caught in wanting more and not acting on it.

“What do you like?” she asked.

“I have a girlfriend. I have to talk to her.”

Oh. So he liked his girlfriend, or he chose that moment to bring it up. But he had a bond. Complicated was an understatement. She let go of his hand. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Then, when had he kissed her so much?

“Me too, but it’s really hard to be right now. Really hard.” He took her hand again and continued their walk. “I like animals and good food and hiking, and.” he took a deep breath. “What do you like?”

They were approaching the edge of the palace grounds now, and so they turned toward the gardens where the wedding had been held.

She thought about her treehouse she liked to hide in, her books, her dog that was sitting in the barn, being tended to by the guy there.

“I like hiking, animals, and sitting around fires sharing stores – like made up ones, and music. Just the whole evening time.”

“Where are you staying?” he asked.

“The guest housing for the school.” Her whole family had been set up there, since her sister was a student. “You?”

“The barn. Yours is probably nicer. Have you seen the waterfall under the palace?”

“I don’t mind the barn,” she replied, unsure if he meant they were sleeping together that night. The princess comment. The girlfriend….. She had no idea where she stood. She just needed to let it happen. He wanted to see the waterfall. He would know she had water magic, so at least his intentions weren’t dishonorable.

“I haven’t yet,” she replied. Confused, more and more.

“Do you want to take a little picnic down there?”

A picnic was a starting point. A kiss, as much as it was their beginning, was a bit fast.

“Yes,” she replied. “Very much.” Maybe he was the romantic type. If he was… her stomach did a flip and her heart fluttered. “Do you want me to get the food and meet you there?”

If she got the food, he could maybe talk to his girlfriend and he would have a better idea of where they stood when he got back. She didn’t want to be a wedge if he wanted the girlfriend. Danija wanted him desperately.

“Or, we could just go together,” she said. Maybe he needed to get to know her first, before deciding.

“Together,” he replied. “There’s a buffet up in the other garden.”

“That sounds great. The food here is really good,” she commented. She had been enjoying the past half day she had been at the palace. She was a little jealous of Eurydice but she was happy for her too. Any excuse to get out from home and whatever life mom and dad appointed you to.

She was a little curious if her bond knew that she was desperate to leave, except she didn’t know she was desperate until she had seen what else there was. Eurydice’s life seemed full of potential. Before, Danija was just glad she knew how to read. Her dad had been a furious teacher of Elesarian, as though it were a benchmark: you know the language, now you can survive on your own. Even if you were only a few years old.

It did get you a lot in life, especially when it came to creating contracts for work.

Danija just wanted to live somewhere she felt at home, that wasn’t working for someone she disliked for barely enough income (that her parents took).

“What’s it like in Keshmar?” she asked, curious about the potential future. If they both kept their bonds and remained bonded, they could live there maybe.

For a moment, she reflected on her fear about the bond: it could be a new way to shackle her to someone. It felt so good though, and he wasn’t forcing her to do anything. He had asked her on some romantic date to have a picnic beneath the palace.

“Better,” he replied. “More potatoes and beef. Except when the pixies are around, then mostly greens.”

Before yesterday, Danija had only seen one other pixie before. She wondered if they were all silly and light hearted with dark ominous looks.

They sat down, near the edge of the palace but not quite on it. Beside them, a river of water flowed toward the edge of the palace and fell off of it, down into the rift valley.

“What brought you here?” she asked, instead, because she wanted to know more about the girlfriend side of things.

“It’s educational and I have family here. Meldrick is my relative, so are his kids.”

So not the girlfriend. There was some hope that she wasn’t ruining things for Telek. He had also asked for the bond. She didn’t want him to feel shackled to her either. They were just two people that had collided.

She would have to introduce him to her dog. Hopefully, if he liked animals, he would like Zabel.

“What are your favorite animals?” she asked.

“Soft, smart things. What about you?”

“I like rays a lot, in the water. The way they glide.” she said absentmindedly. So much for the dog thing. “On land, the same I guess.” Zabel was soft, intelligent, warm, skilled. “I have a pet Wreishand. Dog.”

“I used to have a whole group of them, but they were wiping out a population of ground-nesting birds that were threatened, so I had to stop breeding them.”

“They wouldn’t train for you?”

Zabel had trained with little effort, as though all she wanted was to please Danija. She hated other people, but she was reclusive instead of aggressive. Danija knew if Zabel ever acted in aggression she would be killed. She hid her in her room.

“I liked them wildish,” Telek replied.

She reached for her hair and let her fingers play with the long springy curls. “That must have been hard to give up. Do you have any companions now?”

“Not right now.”

“What about hiking?” she asked, continuing down the list of things he liked. “What is the land like there? I’ve only seen the mountains in the north, near the sea.

It had been a long time too. All she could remember were that there were tall mountains.

“Steeper, wilder. I love it. The grass grows so tall in the plains that it ends up in knots when it rains.”

She could imagine her fingers trailing across the blades, her fingers caught in a knot, water coating her hand.

It would be heaven.

“That sounds amazing,” she replied. “I haven’t spent much of my life in water. I wish it rained more where I’ve spent the last few years.”

“I spent a lot of my youth in the Upper Dell. Sometimes I miss it. My uncle-ish.”

She couldn’t tell if he had stopped talking because of a thought or if he just missed the uncle. She sucked at tones. She hadn’t talked to someone this much in months, if not years.

“Your uncle-ish….” she said, hoping he would elaborate either way.

“My mom’s brother’s husband, who runs the barn here now. He used to live in the Upper Dell.”

So it was the latter. “And now you’re staying with him. That must feel so good, to have a chance to be with him.”

And her own feelings were seeping through, except she wasn’t sure she really wanted to be with her family again. They had thrown her away and taken control of her life. They acted nice in person, like at the wedding. They acted like they missed her. Some of her siblings still fell for it, and their prized daughter or son was always with them, but she knew better.

A wave of fear passed through her: she would have to tell them she was with Telek, that she was moving. They would be mad she was leaving her job and they would want some form of compensation. She didn’t want to deal with that. She didn’t want to take any of Telek’s money. He was a prince, which made it worse.

She let the sinking feel meld with the water and went back to the safe topic. “Is he why you love animals?”

“Probably has a lot to do with it. But he’s a vegetarian and I’m definitely not. I could give up meat, if I needed to, though.”

Most people seemed capable of giving up almost everything, if they needed to. She had been exposed to so little meat, aside from the thin scraps on kabobs growing up, but she liked it. He was so different from her. She craved him, to know more about him and to see what he had seen. It was almost miserable, knowing her parents were alive.

“I like meat,” she told him. “I love those kabobs with thin strips of meat, or chunks depending on where you get it. They have them at most piers.”

They were a treat, something she would get on New Year’s. The prices went down during the festival because there were fewer people.

She looked out at the water spilling over the stone palace. The water crashed in a thunder of sound as it landed at the bottom of the rift.

“Have you ever been to Angmaan?” he asked.

“No. But I want to go, someday.”

“Today?”

“Today?” she asked. Desperately, anyday. Anywhere. She’d heard stories about the markets there, but her parents had never taken her.

“There are some things I have to take care of, but we could go at… Maybe six?”

Things, like girlfriends.

Danija inhaled, she had things to take care of too, like parent things. “That sounds amazing. Six is good.”

She looked at him, because she wanted this to work. She had to make it work. He was giving up his girlfriend for her, and for the bond, and she could something her parents. Fight back, or lie. “Can I kiss you again?”

“By the water fountain?” he asked, at the same time.

He moved closer, and he put his arm around her then pulled her against him. She looked at him for a moment, then closed her eyes as the feel of him whelmed her in the best possible way. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around him. Then pulled away for a moment. “By the water fountain at six.”

Now they just had to leave each other.

“Yes.” he kissed her once. “Six.”

She kissed him more, wanting to draw this out for as long as possible. She wasn’t sure she would make it there at six, but she would do anything to. She wasn’t sure what it would take to be there, or what she would do after Angmaan. She could lie to him too and say she wanted to stay there because she loved it, but she didn’t want to lie. She just didn’t want to burden him with the truth and make it sound like the same old scheme her parents always pulled. Oh, please marry me and save me from my parents, but it will cost only whatever amount. It was pathetic. She needed something different.

She would be there, at six.

She slid her hands down his body, then back up it, feeling the way his shape hid beneath the layers of clothing. He moaned, and felt her body too, then shifted back. She followed his lips as his hands slipped beneath her shirt and moaned as his fingers caressed her skin.

He let their lips part and helped her onto his lap, her legs wrapped around him. She could feel the pressure of him beneath his clothes, and wanted that but from everywhere – his mind, his heart, and his body to want her. She wanted to be worthy of it, and unshackled from her youth.

She moved against him, and he pulled back. “Six?”

“Right” She didn’t know how to leave him, but she pulled herself away while her heart settled. “Six.”

“I…” he took a deep breath. “It’s not fair to my girlfriend. I need to talk to her first. I’m sorry.”

He shouldn’t have been, she was the one that had come along and interrupted his entire life. She should have been sorry.

“Bond suck and my brain disagree,” she joked. She kissed him one last time. “Six.”

She stood, then, because if she didn’t she was never going to. “I can wait till six. I don’t want to, but I can.”

He kissed her again, once he stood. Self control was a curious thing, and she was even more curious where he had learned his. Soon, she could know him, as much as he let her. She helped him clean up the picnic and then they parted ways. She stayed, beneath the palace looking out at the water, waiting for the world to collapse. She had to find her parents, unless they found her first.

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