Episode 141: Zero Chat (Xander)

Fuck it. There was someone in here. What was the point of security, if there were obnoxious women and nephews who knew their way around them?

“You’re creepy as fuck,” he said to the room.

If it was Effie, fuck her.

If it was Spence, Xander bet that wasn’t the worst word he’d heard since he started his campaign to fix Clovercrest.

“Thanks,” a voice said, and his office chair swiveled cinematically around to reveal Zero.

Brother, emotional father, arrogant dick.

That about summed him up.

“Thanks,” Zero said, just to prove Xander’s point about the arrogant dick part. “Is this a social visit or business?”

Xander waited a minute, for Zero to laugh, but when he didn’t Xander pointed out – with a marked politeness that Zero would never appreciate the restraint of – “You came to me.”

Zero shrugged. “I just like your office,” he joked, laughing. “I heard Effie is still pestering you.”

No, Effie was not pestering him. Flies pestered people. Annoying telemarketers pestered people.

Effie was a fucking cancer growing on his soul, eating away at his happiness with Gwen.

Zero stood, still laughing. “Charlize helped me plan this.”

How nice of her. Xander would have to remember to thank her later, for being so considerate to his brother and not giving him any kind of warning. Where was her loyalty?

He bet she wanted Zero. Everyone did. He just had this appeal, this apparent hot guy dad figure romantic sap all rolled into one squishy ball of stoicness.

Xander realized he was drunk. He didn’t want to be drunk for this conversation, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He shouldn’t be drunk in the morning anyway, but he had to sleep, he had to function, and that girl in the cells kept giving him nightmares.

“So,” Zero went on, “I have news.”

No shit. It would have been pretty lame if he’d come all the way here for no reason except to creep Xander out.

“Yes?” Xander asked. “I don’t have any, except that Spence is doing well in preliminary polls.”

A cockroach could do well in preliminary polls. They said nothing.

“Is Eulalee pregnant?” Zero asked, out of the blue.

Xander dropped his pen.

“What?”

“Is Eulalee pregnant. With your child. Or, maybe, children.” Zero stated slowly, watching Xander. He felt like he was ten again and Zero had caught him in a lie.

Except it wasn’t a lie, it was just none of Zero’s damn business.

“Why would you even think that?” Xander hedged.

“You died, she brought you back…” Zero explained his reasoning way too slowly. Xander wanted to punch something, except he was president and presidents didn’t do that. Zero kept talking, something about dolls and Sam fucking Hartmann of all people, and some book that Zero obviously thought was important, but all Xander felt was a ringing in his ears.

Zero took his stunned silence for confirmation. “I think Dad set you up,” he stated.

“I was dying,” Xander argued. Their dad had nothing to do with it. “I couldn’t even move.”

“Yeah,” Zero said, “but who told you,” Zero said that part like obviously telling Xander he couldn’t do something would make him do the opposite, because Xander was that dumb. “…not to go near her, except to go near her? Congratulations, you’re having creepy kids. At least they aren’t Effie’s.”

Kids?

Eulalee had two dolls.

Xander should have listened more carefully when Zero was explaining all the crap Xander didn’t feel like listening to.

“How do I get them from her?” he asked Zero. If anyone knew, it would be Sam fucking Hartmann, who Zero was obviously in cahoots with now.

“We should make her an ally,” Zero suggested.

No way were they playing nice with that creepy, messed up girl. Zero thought he was playing with fire, he had no idea it was napalm.

“You want to let her out?” Xander argued. “Have you seen her dolls?”

“If the dolls are linked to the babies, are you going to keep your children in prison?” Zero challenged. Like a teacher, at least, not like an asshole, but he still challenged, pushed Xander to see things from other ways.

“I don’t think so,” Xander muttered.

“So allies,” Zero shrugged again.

Why didn’t Zero go become best friends with Naomi’s brother while they were at it? Why was he allowed personal preference, but Xander wasn’t?

Because. Xander was president, and that was the role he took on when he won the election. President, in the dictionary, shouldn’t say crap like, “elected leader” it should say shit like, “guy who deals with shit so you don’t have to.”

Like the dad of the whole country.

“She likes you, or you’d still be dead,” Zero prodded.

Xander crossed his arms. He still felt like a ten year old. “I’m not hurting Gwen.”

“So find her someone she will like that isn’t you,” Zero suggested. “Dax is single.”

“Dax?” Xander laughed. Talk about worst case scenario. “You think he’ll go for it?”

“Fuck no. But find someone,” Zero urged. “Unless you want me to. Or deal with Gwen. Your choice. It sucks no matter what.”

Fuck you too, Zane Lavesque.

They sat in silence for a minute while Xander tried to figure out whether this conversation would feel as surreal sober, or whether it was just the alcohol that made this feel so effed up.

“What are you going to do?” Zero asked after a few minutes. “I may be able to get the book today.”

Good for him. Xander didn’t even care enough to ask what fucking book. Zero knew a lot of the family history that Xander loved to avoid, and he guessed the book was part of that. If it was, it meant it was full of complex, probably dangerous, spells.

Zero should be more careful.

But Xander had his own problems. “Why would Dad set me up with Eulalee?” he asked. It didn’t make sense to do. Especially not Xander. Dax was the one who couldn’t keep his pants on.

“Because he hates us?” Zero joked. He got more serious. “Making up with Mother? Self-interest? Wants Eulalee for our side?”

Hah. Like that set their Dad aside as the only problem. “You want her for our side too,” he accused.

“Yeah, but I like Gwen,” Zero said.

Then why the fuck was he here, asking Xander to mess up his life. “I like her too,” he quipped. Maybe Zero could give up Naomigo or Indigomi or whatever he called her when he looked at his wife. See how he liked that.

“Maybe Gwen likes sharing,” Zero joked.

Maybe Indigo did too.

He’d never say it. Zero didn’t need that shit, and Indigo would kill him if she even knew he thought it. He turned it around, instead, into a relaxed brother conversation like it needed to be. “I’ll figure something out,” he promised. “Maybe Dad wants her.”

Zero laughed. “I’ll see you as soon as I know more. I thought you’d want to know what I had.”

“Thanks,” Xander said, because what the fuck else was he supposed to say.

“Have a good day,” Zero said as a farewell, and then he vanished. Right out of Xander’s secure office.

Maybe he should hire Eulalee to take care of security for him. But no, he wanted her gone gone. Someone else’s problem.

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