Episode 111: Cecily (Nell)

Pixies didn’t start wars. They didn’t pick fights, they didn’t dictate things or make laws. At least, Nell didn’t. Somewhere, in his parenting of his wife, she had learned to be strong and brave, she had learned to be forward and to ensure things were accomplished.

Nell wasn’t made of those things. He didn’t know why, because he was the crown heir of his throne and he was a king. He wasn’t even a full pixie.

Somewhere, in all the layers of pretending he could function as a king while running from his duty, he had attached to a man that was not in himself a leader. He had attached to Cecily, to begin with.

It had taken Nell two decades to sort the differences between the two. Cecily ran through Konrad’s veins. She was part of him.

He hadn’t known of her existence; Nell had promised not to tell, long before he had fallen in love with Konrad.

He had kept the secret, but now he had to break his oath.

Cecily had spent the past hour sitting on Konrad’s shoulder, an illusion in the mist of breakfast.

Konrad had spent the past hour complaining about the waffles, which Nell had reminded him were crepes a thousand times.

Nell knew ending Cecily’s life was the only way to preserve Konrad, and after what shouldn’t have been a debate he knew that he loved Konrad, and he could live without what Cecily had brought into his life.

He had come to this decision because Cecily was sick. Konrad had shifted his focus from conquest to fortification and family. Cecily survived by feeding on victory.

Nell had changed too.

“Konrad?” He set his hand at the base of Konrad’s back and guided him out the doors of the dining hall, toward the southern entrance to the main palace. “Do you want to see about the trolley with Zero?”

“Does he have the schematics?”

“I think so.”

Nell wasn’t a killer, but as they walked toward the barn he knew today he would have to be. The two of them had been lost together in a sea of starvation. Cecily had withered. Her cheeks, full when he met Konrad, were now sunken in with shadows of her body’s need. She was taking from Konrad; every scrap of his being was at her mercy. Death had brought Nell clarity, at the cost of their connection to one another. Their pixie marriage.

Nell tried not to think about what their marriage had done to Konrad. It wasn’t something the pixies cared about, but faced with ending Konrad’s life, he wondered.

He wasn’t a born leader or killer. Had Nell’s softness, given through thought and connection been what caused Cecily’s problem? Rylena was still fierce, but she had been all but born bound to Nell

“I didn’t know you were interested in the trolley,” Konrad mused. “Do you know in some realms animals ride trolleys?”

He did; he loved double decker streetcars zipping around corners more, but trolleys had their place. In the end, the Dells would have both. If Konrad didn’t return to him, if he found himself stuck in the arms of his last love or in the depth of understanding what this life had been, if too much of him was Cecily and he did not want to return and become someone new, Nell would never be able to show Konrad… everything.

“I want a zoo trolley, as it happens,” Nell replied.

“Do you think we can make it big enough to hold a scrog?” he asked.

“Why don’t we find out in the barn?” Nell asked.

“Is that where Zero is?”

He hadn’t a clue. “It is.”

They continued to walk, through some growing grass, toward the large barn that housed the scrogs. It was most of a mile away from the main palace, but there were less eyes watching in that area of the grounds.

After over half a mile, Nell kicked some dirt up with his feet. They had entered the part of the grounds that was more desert like terrain, to mimic the heritage of the Lower Dell. The Lower Dell was more green now, lush, but it was a symbol Aadya liked to uphold. Meldrick could be found wandering the southern part of the palace when he needed time to think, though Nell suspected not many of the family knew that.

He let his feet drag a little more, and lifted one so another puff of dirt flew in the air.

“I have to do something, Konrad.”

He swallowed, his hand rested on the hilt of the knife tucked into his waistband.

Every bit of his being protested the action. He knew himself, more in that moment than any other. He knew he was a soft being, not driven to violence except out of the desperation of love. It was important he do it himself. He knew that Konrad would want it to be him. He knew it had to be done; Konrad would not want to live this way.

Nell slid the dagger out.

“What sort of something?” Kornad mused, his fingers running through his beard in a playful joy as he puzzled out what sort of scrog related romantic gesture Nell had planned. A Mid day picnic atop one, perhaps.

Nell turned in front of Konrad. Konrad’s brows turned down toward his eyes and he held his hand out, to run down Nell’s arm. In the same moment, in a flash of decisiveness, Nell thrust the blade through Konrad.

Cecily fell, her body too weak to do much else but lay beside Konrad’s boot.

Konrad fell too. As Nell pulled the blade from his abdomen and his chest filled with blood and fluid. Nell crouched beside him, Konrad’s head in his arms. “Come back to me.”

Konrad lay there, blinking through the pain and confusion.

Nell held him, every ounce of his pain shared between them.

This was why pixies tended gentle. He could feel everything as though it were himself.

Konrad blinked more.

Still alive, Nell wondered if he was fighting it.

Most often, being stabbed in the heart was not something you could will yourself back from, but Konrad persisted in life.

Nell leaned in and whispered into Konrad’s ear. “You should probably leave first… then come back later…”

Huffs of air tried to emanate from Konrad’s lips, but instead blood bubbled and his chest shook.

“Did I do something wrong?” Nell asked.

Konrad shook his head. You got my heart, right?

For some reason, instead of grief stricken in despair, Konrad was amused.

“Would you like me to perform a living autopsy?” he replied aloud. If Drey were alive, he would have a word to offer. Vivisection, maybe.

This time, Konrad laughed. He was breathing, his heart healing. Nell could feel the pain ebbing away.

He had tried to kill Konrad, and failed.

He had done an excellent job too.

“Is something wrong?” Aadya asked from over his shoulder.

She had been waiting off in the distance, along with Zero, Indigo, and Spence.

“I’m inept at murder,” Nell conceded.

Aadya knelt beside them, and Zero joined them.

“You’re an idiot,” Cecily spat.

“I am?” Konrad spoke. “What for?”

She urged Nell to move her closer to Konrad, and he refused. His mind was too stuck on a puzzle unraveling itself from Cecily’s mind.

Cecily inched her way up to Konrad’s face. “You didn’t know yet? You can’t die. Not conventionally.”

She coughed, and curled up in Konrad’s shirt. To Nell’s surprise, Kornad did not remove her. She lifted a band of leather that ran across his shoulder and secured herself to him.

“I’m going to nap while you heal,” Cecily said.

As though time had unfrozen, Aadya’s hand ran down Konrad’s cheek. “Are you alright?” she asked.

He nodded, his mind focused on Nell.

“Why?” Kornad asked, about the murder.

“I thought we could kill you and then you would heal.”

Spence’s mind raced to grasp the tone he noted in Nell’s words, and his eyes caught Cecily. Nell didn’t think he could see her, but could see the bulge in Konrad’s clothing. As subtle as it was beneath Cecily’s diminished frame, Spence was not one to miss details.

He was also not one to reveal secrets.

“He probably had one of my pill things. Can’t die for a few more hours,” Spence said.

Zero studied the wound on Konrad’s chest. Aadya held Konrad’s hand.

Did the butterflies induce this? Konrad asked with his mind.

Nell shook his head. No.

Is she the source of this?

Nell wished they could talk in private, that he could share what he knew of Cecily with Konrad. It was Konrad’s choice if others knew of her. He nodded, yes.

Why not sever the connection? Konrad asked.

Cecily laughed. She rolled over against Konrad and covered herself more in his leather.

What Nell wanted more than anything was to curl up beside Konrad and hold his hand over Konrad’s heart, issuing promises to never attempt to murder him again.

As it were, there happened to be an audience.

Nell took a deep breath, aware more than ever of Aadya not leaving the area. At least she had stood now, confused by the healing and lack of anything. She moved to Indigo’s side, and watched.

“We tried to give you the chance to heal, through death. You refused to die, thanks to…” Nell glanced at Cecily, then to Spence. “Spence.”

“Spence had given me something this morning. Perhaps he knew the butterflies would strike.”

Spence kneeled beside them and let a few drops of something graze the area Cecily rested in while he moved his hand to Konrad’s wound. “This should help you heal faster,” Spence said.

Cecily’s skin turned from pale cream to pinkish cream and her heart rate steadied. As Spence receded his hand from Konrad’s chest, the wound now healed and only a slight pink scar left, he let a few more drops fall onto Cecily.

Konrad shifted and Nell felt the cloud encompassing his mind lift as his own health returned. Nell caught Spence’s eye. “Thank you.”

He slipped his hand to Konrad’s chest, aware that Aadya wished she could be there too. She held back, and the others joined her.

Cecily nuzzled more into Konrad’s neck. “Are you okay?”

“Alright.” Konrad adjusted his shoulder so she couldn’t get closer and she rolled back into her place.

“I’m sorry,” Cecily said to the side of his head. She vanished from view, from both of them.

Nell resolved himself to not be angry that Konrad hadn’t died. There were few options left, most of which required Konrad to decide to help Cecily. He could also sacrifice himself as Drey had, which felt like an option Konrad may choose given the alternative.

Waves of anger and betrayal emanated from Konrad.

“How can we help you?” Nell asked.

Konrad stood, without help. “I believe you already have.”

Nell knew there was a high chance Konrad would be mad at him for withholding information, withholding Cecily’s existence, from him.

The guilt Cecily felt for attaching herself to Konrad, because of a choice she had made long ago, was something Nell wasn’t sure he could convey to Konrad. He hadn’t even noticed her while he had pixie abilities.

If they were going to work together, it would be more than a simple conversation to fill the gap between them.

“Thank you,” Konrad said to Zero. “And for the pills this morning,” he added, toward Spence.

“No problem,” Spence replied. “I can get you more if you like them. Meet with you after lunch.”

“Training, tomorrow,” Konrad ordered. “I’ll need to spend the day ensuring that everything is prepared this afternoon.”

Nell could tell that Konrad wanted to leave, to be alone. He couldn’t blame him. In the end, this mess was Nell’s fault. He could have told Konrad years ago about Cecily.

It was a betrayal he feared their relationship couldn’t withstand. Konrad was too angry. He, Konrad, had shared many of his secrets with Nell. They had been open. Except when it came to Cecily.

The only reason Konrad hadn’t read it from Nell’s mind in the past was that Nell had sought out Indigo to block her from his thoughts. His death had freed him from the constraint.

“We’re going to get him cleaned up before he scares Eowyn,” Nell joked.

He looked at the small group: his sister, Zero, Spence, and Aadya. Most of all, he could sense Aadya’s unease. The gancanagh curse had bound them in many ways and he could see her confusion. Her curiosity.

“Thank you for coming to his not death,” Nell said. He turned, in hopes that Konrad would go with him toward the palace.

Today, Aadya would not get answers.

“Are you sure?” Aadya asked.

“Yes.” Nell continued walking, and in the distance he heard her mind crash against a wall of self-restraint.

“Okay,” Aadya said.

Konrad had yet to join him, instead he spoke to Aadya. “I’ll need to speak with you about the festival soon.”

“Of course,” Aadya replied, too hopeful that Konrad would share with her. “Anytime.”

He felt Konrad’s resolve to leave, and in a moment he had joined Nell on the walk to the main palace.

Layers of his own unease blocked Nell’s ability to think. Instead, he walked in an unusual silence.

For a moment.

Konrad filled Nells hand with his own. “You killed me.”

“Not quite.” Nell had tried. He didn’t want to hurt Konrad, and he had stabbed him in the heart. He squeezed Konrad’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

Konrad turned Nell to him and kissed him. “Don’t be.”

Nell breathed out, relaxed for the first time since he had made the decision to kill Konrad.

“Are you better?” Nell asked.

“I seem to be. I’m not sure what that was. Are you alright?”

He wasn’t sure how Konrad could be so unsure. “You’ve never noticed Cecily before?”

“Who is she?” Konrad asked.

Cecily appeared again, this time floating near Konrad.

Don’t, she begged.

Nell slipped his arm around Konrad. “No butterfly conspiracy thoughts?”

“Or waffles, or trolleys. Who is she?”

He was better. He was focused and undeterrable. Nell could sense the determination in Konrad’s voice. He looked at Cecily again. Konrad hadn’t noticed her yet.

It was time. Even if Cecily didn’t want it to be time.

“A sidhe. You’ll need to work with her. I can help you come up with ideas.”

He knew she needed him to continue working, conquering. His priorities were different. It would take creativity.

“I don’t suppose Zero is likely to give me healing potions to keep her healthy,” Konrad mused.

“What about brain removal?” Nell joked.

Konrad laughed, and another layer of tension ebbed away from Nell.

“I’ll speak with her this evening.” Konrad stopped, once again. His hand rose up Nell’s arm.

Nell turned to face him. Long curly hair, matted from the anxiety of dying, greeted him. Konrad’s shirt was still damp with blood, stained.

“I killed you as well.” Konrad’s mind emmenated apologies.

Cecily’s illness had cost both of them. What worried Nell the most was what it would take to come back from such recklessness.

Nell hugged him. “I’m sorry for the unnecessary pain.”

“There was no pill. And you didn’t miss. It was a precise strike.”

Nell hesitated. “I know.”

He had thought they had covered this too, but there was something about saying it. Something concrete, something that Konrad desired.

“What else do you know?”

Nell sorted through the tidbits of information for something of meaning.

She had talked, most often, of how at home she felt in the Dells. That it was her home.

“She’s from the Dells.” He watched her, and she flinched. “Originally.”

If she was originally from the Dells, and Konrad had survived a wound to the heart… Konrad had become dragon not because of Aadya but because of Cecily. It was obvious, now that he thought about it.

Konrad was silent as they slipped into a passageway.

Nell let his mind shift through the implications, and tried not to react to the idea of giving Nell the same strength, by elixir.

“I had no idea the sidhe connection could work that way.”

Neither did Nell, except not knowing was his own blindness.

“Alright.” Konrad’s pace slowed. “When we remarry, you should elixir.”

Nell swelled a little. “If I must.” Their hands interlaced again.

“Yes, I believe you must.”

“She gave you dragon.” Nell found the dragons frustrating, in their unyielding minds and in their desire to mess with the surroundings. It was like coming up against himself, without a way to win.

“We always assumed Aadya had.”

They had, because Apa was a liar. Some dragons have multiple partners. He sent her a message, and she replied with a steely grey dragon nestled in her pen.

Nell growled in his own mind. “I should have known. I just didn’t ask.”

“Is there no way to be rid of it?” Konrad asked.

It took Nell a moment to understand the question. Konrad meant Cecily.

“She’s not an it,” he defended. Cecily had chosen to be a sidhe, and she loathed herself for it.

“Alright then, she.”

Konrad said the word, but it was laced with disgust for Cecily.

“I don’t think so. She’s dragon and has spent most of your life with you.” it was likely Konrad and Cecily would spend another five or six thousand years together.

“I’ll speak with her.”

To Nell, it sounded more like I’ll ensure she moves along.

“Why do you hate her?”

“I never asked for her.”

“I didn’t ask for you.”

Nell said it before he realized he had. It was true, though. Konrad had happened, too soon after Drey had become elixired to Aadya.

Nell hadn’t wanted anyone new, still had Rylena, and yet here he was.

Konrad didn’t reply. Instead, he stopped outside of an armory. Their hands had fallen apart.

Nell looked down, then back to Konrad. “I’ll leave you to your day.”

He was left with annoyance, loud and present. Not just from Konrad, but from Cecily.

Ceily was smug, too. She had warned him not to delve into her.

He had hoped Konrad was ready, to see her for who she was.

He was wrong.

Nell continued to walk, his mind focused on Konrad in the most painful way.

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