Episode 39: Compartments (Nell)

Delphine left the room like a snake coiling into its den, waiting for the next opportunity to strike. She wanted to hurt them, which put her in the probable enemy territory over friends. It was a shame; he once liked her and considered her a brilliant coworker. She sat on the board with him and ran the school. Together, they hand picked students to enroll in the school and become potential candidates for Talise’s time as queen.

At the moment, she was the least of his concerns. Her behavior had set in her in a category of unworthy of notice. She had hurt Aadya. He couldn’t tolerate that. The claim that he was being made a fool of stung a bit, but his ego didn’t mind. He didn’t mind. What others said made no difference to his own feelings.

The situation would be dealt with. At the moment, they had something more pressing to discuss, because ultimately a gancanagh was a male selkie; a selkie a female gancanagh.

“Are you concerned about the Selkies?” Nell asked Konrad.

Konrad stepped between his legs, his body radiating warmth and worry. Konrad’s wings angled back as they brushed against Nell’s knees.

“I’m concerned about you,” Konrad declared, in a low voice.

“I know,” Nell replied. He could feel the waves of concern and the distaste toward Delphine.

If she weren’t careful, she would lose more than her job.

“You don’t need to be,” Nell continued. He was sure of his relationship with Konrad and he was sure he wanted to be the outcome. He felt some regret for Aadya’s sake, but Meldrick had been wandering emotionally for longer than she had been wandering physically.

“This mess, to me, has been worth it,” he continued.

“Will you tell me why?” Konrad asked, his head tilted in uncertainty.

“One – Merlyn,” Nell said with a grin.

Konrad’s eyes glittered in the light of the room, aware of where Nell was going. He continued regardless, “Two – Eowyn. Three – Ruskyn. Four – Landyn. Five – Jarl. Six – Callum. Seven – Robert. Eight – I wanted you to be a dad. Nine – I asked for this when the gancanagh cure became a possibility. Ten – Until Delphine you were happy. She was happy.”

“No,” Konrad growled, “It has bothered me. This stops this week. If you want more children we can adopt- gancanagh, from the orphanage, whatever you want. I’m… tired of square knots.”

On the one hand, they could have years of children provided to them and enjoyable experiences. On the other hand, he preferred the company of just Konrad and would enjoy their life just them. He wished it had come at a better time, when Aadya wasn’t about to be single, but he knew she would survive the transition. He had a plan for her. It involved a new pretzel machine.

He hugged Konrad, his hand slipping underneath Konrad’s wings, “You’ll still be happier at the end of this than at the beginning. I think she’s been wanting to stop for awhile too.”

Aadya had been wanting to stop for quite awhile, but she had also wanted to give Nell two children. It was a debate they had been avoiding for a long time.

“I know,” Konrad replied.

Nell wondered if Aadya had been more obvious to push others to act for her, or if it was her building to making a decision. She had been toying with things for weeks. She had bonded to several other people; he could sense the new magic mingling beneath her concealed surface. She had been wearing a fake talisman for well over a year and using her magic to withhold the bond when she didn’t want it. The situation was peculiar to him; her motives were still hidden beneath layers of uncertainty.

“I’ve been waiting for her to be done so I know she won’t relapse,” Konrad stated.

Relapse. The first relapse, that resulted in Landyn and Ruskyn, was difficult for everyone. Aadya had been a useless queen for a few days.

It was the start of Aadya taking control of herself in the new way though – she had obtained luck magic and when she conceived the twins the potion Zero had used worked. Nell had tested the potion independently of Aadya, because of the luck factor.

He admired her more than Delphine, if he had to pick sides. She could be just as ruthless but Aadya chose not to be. She chose to use deep layers of skills that she hid most of the time, or wasn’t aware of because of the memory loss, in unique ways that kept Nell’s mind working and even Konrad failed to understand some of the time.

“Maybe I’m happy with the children,” Konrad stated. “But what about you?”

Nell decided to do away with the snake analogy for the night; he didn’t want Konrad ruining his plans to chase after Delphine.

“Delphine is like an annoying spider that won’t stop biting me. It hurts, but it doesn’t eclipse my love for our children or you.”

“Delphine wants him,” Konrad pointed out. “I can’t fathom why she thinks it would be a good idea.”

“I can’t either. But she’s a risk now,” Nell said, because he knew he had to get it out, even if Konrad knew too.

He ran his hand down the edge of one of Konrad’s copper wings, and thought of their life together and what they had created within the span of two decades. At times, he missed Drey, but at other moments he realized he was a wanderer with Drey and someone who accomplished things with Konrad. At this point in his life, with populations dwindling and the hope of family, he wanted the accomplishment. It had been a hard transition, but Konrad represented an endless compilation of layers Nell could spend eternity exploring, without leaving the palace and responsibility.

“I love you,” Nell reminded him.

Konrad breathed in the words.

Aadya had given them more than children – she had given them the ability to look at each other and know that they weren’t just passing the time, they were building something permanent.

“As I love you,” he replied.

They stood together, their minds intertwining with affection, until Konrad straightened and spoke, “Niels had an idea for Delphine; what was it?”

Loving Konrad was like swimming, with moments above and below the surface flowing effortlessly. He didn’t have an animal analogy for it; digestion was straight forward. It wasn’t pleasant. All of it. There was no surfacing in the bliss of oxygen filled lungs.

“He was thinking of promoting her to a fictitious new role,” Nell recounted from Niels’ memories. Prideful ideas were unavoidable to hear when Niels was the one thinking them.

“We should wait until he chooses to share the idea, but I was thinking maybe she wants to be head of all three schools and travel more. I’m open to better ideas.”

He hoped Konrad would handle deciding which idea was best, because Gertrude, Betsy, and Wilma were up for slaughter not decision matrixes.

“The head of all three would work, as long as we monitor her interactions with Indigo’s stepmother,” Konrad decided.

“I was thinking this week….” Konrad began.

Nell knew this one. Konrad’s annoyance with Aadya as she navigated their breakup had led toward some thoughts that mirrored Nell’s own.

They were perhaps stolen thoughts, but he enjoyed mental prompts.

Konrad’s chest rumbled and Nell put his hand against it to feel the laughter deep inside.

His touch was met with an eager kiss and the caress of hands along his wings. It sent shivers through his body.

“All of it?” Konrad asked.

“You’ll have to tell me, otherwise I’ll never know,” Nell teased.

He tried to pull the joking back in, but his time with Konrad was always like slipping deeper into a gravitational field of emotions he, in this one instance, wasn’t afraid to experience. Outside of this space between them and the energy they shared through their marriage, it was easy to stay on the surface of everything.

Konrad nudged Nell with his nose, to focus him. Wandering minds… “That I didn’t guess, all those years ago, who you were. Who you would become to me. I thought I was done with love and I’ve never been more pleasantly surprised.”

He had heard the thoughts, but he had forgotten to make his own prepared declaration, so he just gave Konrad what he had – raw honest words unedited by nerves, “My love for you is unscathed by Aadya, Delphine… I didn’t expect it either. But it has always been steady.”

They were trapped in emotions feeding off each other for a few moments, but Nell had plans.

“Are you free for an hour?” Nell asked.

An hour, a night… it didn’t matter. He just needed to get Konrad away from this room.

“I’m free for the night if you like.”

Nell transported him to the campsite he had arranged. He had felt the stampede of emotion brewing all day; they needed the space.

“Tonight was primed for a bad meeting,” Nell stated, in case K9nrad hadn’t gleaned it from his mind. Talking felt good, in any case.

“I’ve never seen Niels so entertained.”

Nell laughed, then whispered, “I moved the boys before the meeting. They brought the other kids, and Einin came for the night. You have your shifts tomorrow covered and I’ve set up a net for some games nearby. Tonight is just for us.”

“You planned ahead.”

Nell began untying the knots of Konrad’s shirt, “I thought distance and distraction would appeal to you, to process your feelings on everything going on. You always see more clearly a step away.”

“Just us, just our family.”

Nell could have left Konrad’s statement, but he needed him to know how he felt, “Our family is a tapestry of watercolors bleeding unto each other. There is no just.” he ran his hands along Konrad’s spine and kissed his neck, then walked around him. “But, as just as possible. I have no regrets; I love Aadya too.”

“Will you marry me? Again?” Konrad asked.

He was destined to always beat Nell to proposals.

“Yes,” he said with a kiss. “Just a vow renewal? Elixir?”

He tossed the idea casually, but it would be the ultimate step in their relationship. To be bound without the option to utilize Aadya again, or anyone else. To be just them.

“Both,” Konrad confirmed.

He deepened his kisses and let the weight of the words now unspoken build as feeling and sensation between them.

He took.his time, ensuring Konrad’s tensions were relieved and his body relaxed.

Sleep came quickly, and the deep snore marked a time when Nell could slip away to finish his evening.

He kissed Konrad’s cheek and left the tent. There were other things he had to take care of that night, and Calamity was asking for his attention in the barn.

He transported home, near the manure pile at the back, then found his way toward the Dragon’s stalls.

Aadya was in the barn.

Across the way, he felt her first and his wings wend rigid as he tested the space to see how she was – distraught, anxious, and tired. He moved closer, and peered around the corner of the wall to where she was sitting. Her hands were folded on her lap, her dress hung down to her mid-shin as she sat on the bales of hay that lined a space Spence had sat on when he was soul-searching only a few years prior.

His barn was a sanctuary for emotion, he hoped; a place where people felt safe even though he could sense their loud states of being.

“Good evening, Aadya,” he said as he came into view.

He used his wings and hop-flew to her perch.

Aadya nodded her head and her hair bounced in length with the movement. He could sense the break in the marriage between her and Meldrick and the finality of that decision.

He wrapped his arm around her back and began kneading at the opposite shoulder; she rested her head against him and they sat together for a moment while she let herself deflate from the fight that lingered on her skin and mind.

“They’re pink,” she said. He felt her eyes on the two eggs in the stall.

Growing up he had been an only child. Coming into the world he had spent most of his life thinking he would have one or two children, whatever was necessary. He hadn’t realized at the time that over the first few centuries of his life a series of changes would sweep through the realms. He still felt bad, for people like Aadya that felt the need to have more than a dozen children within as many years just to encourage others that having a child or two was a good choice. Even the animals were struggling to maintain their numbers, let alone grow their diminished populations.

Einin, his daughter with Rylena, could have been his only child in a world where his own race wasn’t down to under 200 in size.

Aadya had his second and third child, as seen by the pink tinted eggs in the barn. Even if they didn’t inherit wings, the pixie intuition would run true to them.

He kissed her head instead, “They’re perfect. You’re perfect, Aadya.”

He felt her body weaken beside him, into a tearful burst.

He felt her mind run through thoughts of failure, undesirability, rejection, fear, and the waves of strength that made her so distinct from most. They ran like chords supporting a bridge underneath everything she felt and made her a great queen.

Part of Nell, a speck as small as an ant to the sun, wanted to wait on the elixir. Konrad wouldn’t mind. It wouldn’t do any good. Aadya needed an ending and firm ground.

“I’ll always be here,” he reminded her. His unspoken promise to Drey – to protect and love his wife and children. He hoped he had done a reasonable job of it. Aadya was in pain now, but she was also whole. Years of rebuilding her mind with Meldrick’s memories and sensitivity were necessary.

He still hated to see her in any form of distress.

“And I’m not running off, despite my desire to.”

He laughed, “I have a present for you: our children need little guardians. More than bumpy eggs.”

He called them out – a pair of foshlins, with long auburn bodies that could have blended in with his own hair. They pranced up the bales in a race, with only two play fights to gain the lead, then wrapped themselves around Aadya, their noses touching each other across her belly.

Her body hummed. It wasn’t a laugh, but it wasn’t a sad feeling either.

He pet one if the foshlins

She turned toward him, “I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean for this to mess things up.”

He pulled her against his chest and leaned back, “Aadya, your job is to make allies, have children, and keep people happy. You handle it well. You have Salamander, Gancanagh, and Pixies bred into the Dragon line. Your children have Babylonians, Wiccans, and other lines of fae. Your life may feel messy but if we lose the population, there will be nothing.”

“I was considering resolving my Thelos issues,” she replied. “I’m single…”

“Or, you could focus on our children; all of your children. They need you.”

“I thought you just told me to breed,” she teased. He could feel the emotions churning inside her.

“Aadya,” he said in a firm and commanding voice. The kind of voice that belonged to someone else, “Court day, Maelvish, kids, meetings. That’s it. If you need an adventure I’ll arrange it, no marriages or distractions from family.”

“You should get back to Konrad,” she said.

“I always have time for you,” he replied as he watched a spider traverse the ceiling of the barn, weaving through the cobweb rivets that the roof made.

“I love you both; you’re two of the best friends I could have asked for. I want to be friends, just friends,” she admitted, feeling like she still wanted the romantic aspects to end; to not be absorbed into them.

Nell agreed, “We love you too, Aadya. You’re a phenomenal queen.”

“Mmm,” she agreed, her body heavy with sleep. With the way things were changing, her desire to please, her eagerness to find resolution, he promised he would stay, a close friend, and keep her from rushing toward the next opportunity. To find herself in the chaos of obligation. He held her close, and promised her forever.

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