Episode 24: Effie (Xander)

It was way too late. Even the teenagers, Zadie and Rebel, were asleep.

He should have been in bed, cuddling with Gwen or working on that baby plan.

Instead he was in here, re-reviewing the budget for all these changes.

Charlize, his second shift secretary, knocked on his office door. “Xander? I have an Effie Bierek to see you.”

Who the hell wanted to see him at this hour? Even if the world ended, people had to sleep sometime.

The woman barged past Charlize. She was skinny and determined and probably one of those fierce magic-wielders who liked to make men cry just so they could brag about it to their other fierce women friends.

“Hi. Effie.” She offered her hand to him.

He crossed his arms and waited, while she turned her attention back to Charlize. “You can go.”

“You can’t just come in here,” Charlize argued.

“But I did,” Effie countered, smug. “So I can.” She reached across his desk and offered her hand in a more pushy way. “Euphemia Bierek. Better known as Effie. How are you today?”

He shook her hand to shut her up. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

She said her name too slowly, like he had trouble with comprehension. “Euphemia Bierek. I like to be called Effie. I’m your new assistant for this nightmare your nephew has created.”

So she wanted a job. Well, she was barking up the wrong tree. Spence wasn’t a nightmare.

“Do you want her removed?” Charlize asked.

Yes.

“No, he doesn’t,” Effie pushed. She met Xander’s eyes, cunning and forceful. “Trust me.”

“Who is she?” he asked Charlize.

“I don’t know, sir.” She pushed her glasses further up her nose, anxious.

“You wouldn’t,” Effie assured both of them. She sat on the corner of Xander’s desk, right in Gwen’s special spot, and crossed her legs. “I don’t exist.”

“Security is on the way…if you don’t need them at least they’ll be nearby,” Charlize said.

He liked Charlize, her waves of blonde hair, her honesty, her tenacity.

He wasn’t going to let this Effie bitch get her out of sorts.

He gave Charlize an appreciative smile.

“I’ll make this fast,” Effie stated. She had on some kind of cloying perfume, too, which detracted from whatever she was probably going for. “I’ve dealt with problems like this before,” she explained. “Candidates running below you with grand ideas. I can handle it in any way you see fit, discreetly and to your advantage. If you want him to be successful, I can help arrange that. If you don’t hire me, I can arrange to make the rest of your career a nightmare. Depending on the terms of me leaving this office.”

Bitch didn’t begin to cover it.

“You have my ear,” Xander said. He got out some paperwork and skimmed through it while she talked, just to make a point.

“Okay,” she paused. “That’s all I was prepared for. What do you want? This nightmare gone, or to dive in?”

“You’re welcome to help him.” Xander worded it carefully. He hadn’t actually hired her.

She stood, shoving another rush of her perfume at him. “Consider Monday night the field test portion of my interview.”

He needed to clarify this bullshit. “What kind of compensation are you blackmailing for?”

She smiled, clever and icy. “You don’t pay me. Our understanding will help me hedge other opportunities. Teamwork is incredibly lucrative.”

He frowned at her. “Be careful how and when you use my name,” he growled.

“Enjoy trying to use mine,” she challenged. She snapped her fingers and vanished in a theatrical smoke.

“Bitch,” Xander said aloud.

Charlize came over to the desk and stood a respectful distance away. “What would you like me to do?”

“Nothing.” Xander waved his hand, dismissive. “She wants me to try to find her. She probably has a way to know if I do.” Besides, if she helped Spence he might even stop loathing her.

“I’ll let security know,” Charlize said, on her way out the door.

She shut it behind her, because she followed basic rules of human etiquette, such as the fact that one did not simply barge into the president’s office and make demands.

He rubbed his brow and tried not to think too hard about what kind of stunt Effie had planned for Monday. Hopefully it wouldn’t be disastrous.

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